how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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