You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
