Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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