he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
