Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it glows. i had to have it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
