You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
