I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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