Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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