my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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