FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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