I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
