He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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