I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
