does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
