the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
3pm strippers are depressing
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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