Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
