...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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