All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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