He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
