need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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