I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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