I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
