So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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