i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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