The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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