they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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