There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
