Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
