She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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