hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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