How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
