I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
