Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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