This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
