when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
