Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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