She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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