So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
