I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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