I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
