normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
