the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
