Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
