It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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