its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is the high leading the old right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
