Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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