I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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