I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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