the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
