I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
