apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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