THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
