I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This show inspires me to have sex in space
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
