Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
