I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
