I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
